Fight Prep// 3 Weeks To Go

By Julia - 14:09:00

This is gonna be a hard one to write about. I feel it in my constantly postponing sitting down and starting on this post (it was something like 7 weeks to go in the first draft...).

Well, I signed up to fight. Thai boxing. I kind of know how it happened but I wasn't the one pushing it. I don't think I ever would've - me never feeling good enough (especially in a competitive sport where I could lose or worse, not do as well as I want to), me not liking attention or being in focus. But it happened and I couldn't say no when my coach brought it up. And I'm okay with it now, learning to shift "are you ready to fight"  to "are you ready for the process of getting ready to fight". Did I say it's gonna be my first time? You probably already guessed it.

First of all, I love to put in the work, pushing myself. Find your own limits - then push past them. Who said that? I don't know. I'm not scared of the extra effort I have to do and I know my body will be ready.
My mind? We don't know. And the moment I will find out is in a ring opposite of another woman.
Since I know it's going to happen I've mentally been to many places: "Why am I doing this? I'm actually doing this! Training is going amazing! How is this so frustrating? When are they gonna find out that I'm not that good?"
I try to stay controlled and not freak out but at the same time, I know that I have to do some mental work as well, preparing for something I can not fully prepare for because I've never been there.

I leave this written down as it is because it's still hard to sort my all-over brain.

I try to keep at it and let me tell you, it's quite a journey. At the moment I have it blended out that the fight is actually going to happen and I focus on my training instead which is a lot as well. I feel like there are so many eyes on me, the people in the gym know of course and I get a lot of help which comes with more attention than I'm comfortable with. I train very much outside of my comfort zone since I signed up and for this process, it is necessary to push me all the way there in the shape I have or want to be in. But it does get hard to show up all the time - always ready to go, go, go. I do it anyway knowing that any excuses will result in me hurting myself or knowing that I'm the one who didn't give anything I had. They say that's the most important right? To perform to your own best abilities.
Mentally I can feel the growth. It is more of a long-term thing but the knowledge of me staying in this uncomfortable place of nervousness and handling it somehow must be somehow beneficial.
I can do this! This is me becoming who I want to be so let's get all that courage together and get on the way.

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